I just watched the Kelly's atest mtv. "Ai wu li".

Have u ever tried placing yourself in her shoes? One of the worst scenario that i try not to be in is to see your ex-bf with his new girlfren. I dunno why but i just dread it. It might be a case of my own possessiveness but it might just be a case of... How happy they looked and how unhappy i am. I mean after all he and u would have great times together and at that moment you might think to yourself that only you can make him so happy. And when everything falls apart, you just realised upon seeing them that maybe his new life suits him better.

I would smile if he nods in recognition of me. But like her, i cant wait to get off the bus. When lovers transcend into the status of friends, you can never be really friends. Lots of memories are still there isnt it? We are humans, we dont forget things immed as that. We reminencse.

Anyway i am a fully qualified driver already!!! Haha *self congrats* once again. Hahaha!!!!

Sometimes peopl etend to contradict themselves. And well, i admit that i sometimes do. i want this, yet i want that not.

It is a known fact that he always wanrnined me that it is better to come clean rather for him to find out and things become too late. i do keep that in mind u know.. And well today iwas jsut being casual...checkign his phone's call log. And alas~ i saw the name that i dun wish to see yet i expected to see. Should be no surprise becuz just as i was checkin the log, a part of me actually expected to see her name. Hahaha. Funny isnt it.

I was pissed. Very pissed. And all he can say is he didnt wanna tell me in fear of me gettign angry. Dosent that contradict to his "better say" theory? Yupx.

And many things happen after that. So much so i didnt wanna mention it. No point.

The Aussie guy from my elect class called me from bangkok. Hope i dun end up paying for the long distance call. Anyway his action is wow wow baby wow fantastically sexy. Very. Hard core australian accent. Arhhh! i am so fainting from the sexiness. Omph.

Old things dont go, new things dont go right?Whahahah!

tomorrow is the ex's birthday. Which brings back so many things. should i stay up to wish him happie birthday?

Why not. friends isnt it?

=

Well many have congratulated me and say that " ooo so happy for u...u finally got what u yearned for!"

"So glad for you..e.tc...he did somehting when i liked! "

Yeah but did u hearme add the last line in my response? " Only for that day."

Its true u know. i just went through a logn tedious quarrel and its like i wanna put my hands up and say I surrender, just get the hell over with it.

He dosent get it that being a gf is liek a confider. Someone who is there for your ups and dows. Even when she dont understands, being silent ofers consolation.

He wants advice. He dont give a shit about comforting silences. Which is why i came to a conclusion: Maybe i should just wash my hands off him.

Happy Valentines Day to you all!

We met after school and while we was walkign around the mall, he didnt wanna enter the restaurant yet despite being hungry. weird fellow sia! And he was jsut strolling around the mall with me..looking at stufff. Then finally he say, its tiem to enter the place. lolx

we went Siam Kitchen for the dinner buffet. Yummy. thai food- free flow somemore. lolx when we sat down, he started grabbign his stomach and say he desperately need the toilet. I said ok and waited.

And waited...and weaited until the waiters starts to stare becuz i have been seating there alone for one hour.


Then he came! All full of sweat.

WITH A BOUQUET behind him. Oh man!!! he went to colelct his flowers from bedok. =p ie took cabs and bus to collect den rush back while i sat 'patiently' aloen at the reaturant. Huilign was right. He must be up to something. lolx i tot his stomach really problematic man.. lolx..



my happy babae satisfied with himself doing such a great deed. loLx.



A satisfied me being so overwhelmed by the surprise. cuz he told me that he is not goign to buy flowers cuz he tot is a waste of money. Hahaha realli surprised.



Oh yeah my pressie from him- A adidas handbag. LoLx. and a big card. As tall as the bouquet. And i realise something..from the tiem i was out..i was carryign the 2nd largest bouquet around ok! =p

After food, we went to East coast park, sat down and just sat there. Hahah so simple venue and just sitting threre, but honestly, i have never been happier! =)

Many have queued to enter...long queues of about 2hrs (and so i heard)...




The many rooms of MOS.















Actually i honestly think Smoove is super crowded! U can just only bopped your head. hahaha! But ooo...guys should be happy in there. And oh~ the female toilets are pretty pretty! Pink and white and sliver. With comfy seats inside. Jean wanted to stay inside and just chat. lolx.

The main arena is huge but the music kinda stinks and the people also. ya know..the people dancing indian dance inside. Yes. They do. Believe it or not. lolx.

Anyway Hed Kandi is going to be there this friday. Wanted to go but well, going Loof & Bar None instead. Hahaha...hey ho! Bar none was voted one of the best nightspots. Mr JK also said that place nice. Should get him to go with us again? Haha..better not. LoLx. wun want ppl say he has been taken advantages. =p lolz

Anyway things has really taken a mudslide in terms of relationship. And reading the best selling book by Josh Harris mademe realise that- being single is not that bad after all! Hahaha... check out his site. www.joshharris.com.

If Valentines Day were to go like that....

Bright sunny day, with no care in the world, couples liek these cuties come together as one...



Then they would set off to the supermarket and starts planning what to buy. They throw the spagetthi in, the sauce, potatoes....etc..



After all the cooking, they went to prep themselves for the night and the guy presents her with a gift!



Ahhh...so happy. So the girl decided to reward him with a ig, smoochy, dribbly kiss.



Candlelight and nice ambience, in their own private world...



Happy Valentine's.

If such thing were to happen. Pigs might start to fly.

In lets say a couple more days, the next most important day is coming nearer. That is Valentines day.

To some people, it is just a day to spend it with ur counter-part. To some, it is spending it with friends. To others, with dogs, rabbits, pillow, bolster, tv and potato chips. I used to be in the situation where i just totally heck about Vdays. What is so great abou t it? My exes has always manage to be apart from me when Vday approached. I am used to spending it with friends. Then, when my buddies are still single. Now that my fellow gf has a darling, i cant spend it with her.

It was 2 years back, when Vday falls on saturday. This year, the special day falls on a weekday. A school day. A packed day. Anyway that fateful day 2 years back, i was excited. Very excited. I spent hundreds over dollars on a Ferragamo Wallet and it was my first Vday with someone special. Then, the guy was still in the pro-term. And i remmbered sitting at the bugis bustop, peering at my handphone wondering hwen would he appear. He texted me saying that his Sgt Maj refuse to let them go. On a Vday. i was pissed. I cant see the reason why he cant come on time. I called Vic, complaining. But i cried. I really did. I thought that my First ever Vday would be screwed. Vic accompanied me through the hour of waiting. He finally came in a cab and beckoned me to hop on. With a flurry of apologies, he managed to cool me down, but deep down i was relieved. He did come after all.

The second Vday was much different, i had started work. And working brings many mixed feelings. Part of me actually wished i could turn back time and just..be a hermit and not get involved with anything but work. It was after work, after J gave me the pig toy and K giving me the chocs..i hid them in the table because it wasnt appropriate to bring them along to a Vday celebration. We planned the Vday celebration for ages. I checked out the Vday dinner. And he booked it. It was great, nice food, candlelight and sourvenior. That time he would be dressed in my favourite shirt, pants and leather shoes ensemble. He knows what i like him to wear. And he did. I remmbered i had crayfish spagetthi and the sourvenior from the restaurant is this mini cup. Its right up there on my dresser. After which we went to take 2 sets of pictures, with our drink bottles, flowers and mini cup. We had everything. Everything i wanted.

Meiting came to my new place to pack the photos the other time. so as she was flipping, she came across this section where i put all our pictures together. She starts sorting them out. I didnt liek to look it now, because it was all smiles. and deep down i asked myself " why had all these smiles and kisses turned into...coldness?" I dunno why. It might bemy fault. or his. No one can say it for sure. anyway she took out this set of pics and asked when was it taken. It was taken less than a year ago. The 2nd Vday. And well, she said it is the best picture i have taken with him. Me in black and pink and he in the top i bought for him. Versace top. It is another gift i spend loads of money on. I never like buying impractical stuff. But when i looked at that Versace Shirt- black with think while stripes, i knew it would look good on anyone. i gave it to hima week before Vday so that he could wear it. Its funnny how such thoughts come rushing back to you.

And suddenly my world came crashing down. I read back on the archives and realised that it is one of those rare moments when i never told anyone what happened. Not even Vic or ting. I just mentioned we broke up but i never provided the reason. I didnt really know why. It wasnt my decision but i guess at that moment anger took over me and i just defied against anyone that thought i needed emotional support. I thought that after it, i woould have a clean start. But i guess things dont always go by what you want.

I actually saw him today. And huiling asked why did he chose to so his present course? I told her that we used to plan that if he ever got this course, i would strive for the sameschool and we would be in the same school. i always wanted a bf in my shcool to be with me all the time. She laughed and says " sees what happened now?" i seldom see him round, and when i do, i cant react. I regret tiems whereby i just kept quiet becuz there is so many things i wanna say but i didnt. Because we are part of each other so mcuh so that i believe my character has built up with certain aspects of him. Now that i have changed, would i still be on the same wavelength?

This Vday, i thought i would look back at my past archives and see how everything has moved along. A different path perharps? The gurls said i was happy. Used to be happy. Like when. Definitely not after april. I was happy i think. Though i told meiting i know i have a blur memory of when it was. The archives proved to me.

I was happy when after a quarrel, he would be there to give in to me. I would be happy if he showed that i am the only person that mattered to him. I would be happy if he appreciated that every decision i make is for our good. I would be happy if for once, he would really sit and listen to what i say. I would be happy if he would just stand on my side instead of tryin to prove that i am wrong.

The whole week that he has been away, my parents actually asked if he called. He did. for once. I was glad he did because our original plan was not to talk. Either he was too free or wither he wanted to hear my voice. i kid myself to believe the latter. And anyway i was lamenting that he didnt talk for more than ten minutes, my mum actually said its probably a good chance to learn let go slowly.

Because i have no security. Does he actually understand how to spell s-e-c-u-r-i-t-y? Its a word that i really hate. Guys use to say i cant give them security. And well i never understood why.

This evening i was meeting Victor to go home together, and i showed him the nice card that i bought. And he was shocked. He said he thought we should have broken up? Oh really. I didnt know thats a wish on top of everyones mind.

Girl wanna share her joy of a ring. And i congrat her becuz a rings unionized both hearts together whether you now it or not. When i used to wear the ring, it kinda grown used on my hand. And when it was time for me to take it down, you know u really have let go.

I do not like reminecsing. But its a really bad habit of mine. I cant live in my shadow forever can i?

Anyway a Happy Vday in advance people! =)

i dunno what made me to ocme back and write a post on this blog. probably this one held lots of wonderful memories. Really. I had to look back months ago and eventually,, come out with a conclusion. Becuz its like..i dunno how to explain.

I mean have u gone thru roundabouts and ending up no where? Its only when u cool yourself down and look back at possibly nice memories, that is when u really feel happier.

Much happier.

thats what i am going to do. Presuming that all i have written are nice memories. I dont want them to be memories. I want the nice things to occur over and over again.

A girl can wish... cant she?