have u watched the advertisement from Goldheart Jewellery?
The part whereby the couple drove past under the moonlight in a opened top car..and tears start flowing down from the pretty girls face. And this sad track plays in the background?
After a while she turns and has eye contact with her fiance and smiled. Flashing the diamond ring in the night.
She cried because she was overwhelmed with happiness.
I dont have the luxury.
I cry because i have no idea how i go thru each and everyday.

Memories...

I went back to check out my old blog and of cuz, some one elses old blog. Its the old ones cuz i guess, things happen and we just stopped. I couldnt really fathom how did all these happen, started or even ended. At that time, i guess i was happy. Each and every second. I mean it is practically beaming off the screens!
I could write long winded entries, filled with smile and quotes and haha-s. I could write liek twice a day. Becuase i know hw would be there to write comments.
But i guess no matter how long passes, if all these happen again, u guys will have things to nag at me about. And partly, i always asked myself, these ended because i couldnt make a decision or because i listened to all of you. Maybe not you, you girls readign these. Because at that time, it was yang and victor pushing me. They didnt point a gun to my face and asked me to strip of such a idea, but they drilled in me the fact that since i have a guy who could give me everything i want, why do i wanna spoil it all.
So? Things still ended in the way that i decided i given up both. And when i look back, i could only look back and think to myself "if only..".
I hate that words u know...because i realise they keep on popping into my thoughts.
If only.....If only...
I had so many if only-s, but none of them is what i had.
I read back the last entry i wrote, and i kinda stunned myself. I actually visits my old blog once in like a few months. Whenever i read it, it sent chills up my spine. I remembered the trouble it got me. I remmbered the icy stares, the cold words and the shrill voice -in my head always. i remembered the cold brown eyes, i remembered the cold stare, i remmbered the betrayl in his eyes. I remmbered the way i had to catch up in my footsteps so that i dont get lost in that busy street. I remmbered telling myself that he havent read that entry. But i guess it was too late, his actions told me he read it.
I remembered him sitting down on the sofa and asked me how my day was after i succeeded catching up on him. I was stammering like nobody's business. And i guess it was after that, i told myself, this would never happen again.
And well, the good thing that came out of all these is that, it really never happened again.

Work was terrible u know. Yeah i know that it has only been a couple of days, but i really cant take it le. My fingers are getting so rough that i am sure i have a guy's fingers.

Tomato was telling me how much she misses Ro. i know she does. She asked me if i can provide her with any clues that Ro might be cheating on her now that he is back in KL. I told her..better not be like me..control until u make urself depressed.

I told myself upteem times to hold back and relax. I told myself to just let it go. But i cant. I have always been overprotective. and guess where it got me?
Yvonne says after hat happens between her bf and her, she realise that she didnt like her bf controlling her from afar. Why? i ask u what u are doing- dosent that show concern?
I ask u if u miss me- dosent that prove that i miss u lots?
I ask u if u ever regret tat u left me- dosent it mean that i cant live without you?

I guess thats just my own foolish thoughts.

Its me myself and I, afterall.

1st day at work

Well i finally started work already. there is shuttle bus that the company hirre to bring us out for lunches and home. Woohoo. ot to my home doorstep lah, but at least to a mrt station.

I met up with Yvonne after my work, so that we could have dinner before church. And we sarted talking about her soon-to-be-ex-bf. Yeah and he is the one that has been in UK for the past 2 years. All in all, they have been together for..8 YearS!!!!! she is in her mid twenties, so she started dating i guess around sec sch?

Anyway, always after talking to her i get super depressed. She and her bf can be together for 6 years, yet they cant handle him being away for 2 years. How about 4 years? I know i know that u guys are probably saying " No what, 3 years ma!"... Yeah new update, it has recently been increased to 4 years.

Four years???!!! Arghhh...

But i guss the point is she also met some one new. Someone that she realise can give her much more happiness den what her bf does so far. Eunice used to have a bf whom she dated for 7 years. And also, they broke up after he came back from overseas. And both girls told me that not becuz they cheated on the bf or what, its jus that you realise that you all love each other, but are not in love with each other.

At first, i didnt quite get it. Then i realise what it means. If i were them , i would think so too. I said so many times to myself that one reason why i am such a pessimist regarding this issue is that i dont want it to be the case whereby both are still together becuz both kept a promise to be together. No point. Becuz the fact holds that both has drifted apart.....

Then after work, i was walking to take a bus to parkway and there was this surveyor who keeps on asking alot of qtn la. He was like tryin to convince me that he knows me! I was like..no i have never ever seen you before and i am sure of it. So he started asking my hobbies and he say he thinks i am the super sporty kind. I was like bursting out in laughter- where in the world do i look like i am sporty!!! Wah liao, wanna bluff also no nid to go this extent right? Haha...

Anway its late and i am dissapointed becuz what i want, i didnt get. Sighh....

i recently start watchign this new show thats really really good. Its the usual korean romance drama. But u learn alot from the show. U learn that, even know its modern age and all, u realise u can nevr understand a man. u can never understand why they are so indifferent to u.

I told meiting that i really cant handle it already. No matter how much i have prepared for the life i am going to lead now, i realise i cant handle it. Its a lot more tougher than i thought. I could have just sat in fron tof the tv and blank out. I can blank out and forget about taking meals. I can just think about os much nonsense that i know is going to worsen the situtaion and make me feel worse.

the drama is really good. the usual love triangle and all. I watch and grip my seat. why? why aint it me?

I wont feel better in her soes definitely. Having fallen for someone who dont even appreciate u. Sounds familiar huh? Haha i know. and when u thought of giving it all, u always stop. But now that circumstances has force u to make that decision, u realise that maybe... u shldnt have wished for it to happen.

I was out with Juan yest and we talked. ANd i really thought long and hard about what she says.

The harder you try to love someone dosent mean you love him at all. Its just because its hard to do and you dont wanna give up just like that.

I made alot of mistakes and i always wished i never did. I wished i never gave up the one that treats me best and opted for one that dont. And now that you look back, you feel stupid. But its all too late isnt it? late. yes. It is.

I just wanna be happy. Is there too much to ask?

Houston, we have a problem.

I knew these were coming. I knew that peaceful times are always short lived.
And yeah, finally we have our first international quarrel.
Kinda just left me hanging by the moment.

Going for a interview today.Apparently the pay is not extremely well..and must deduct CPF somemore! I need the money to go overseas ok! Why keep deducting!!

Birthday

Its not mine. Its his. And i am not there.
We only celebrated once, you know. And well, although mine probably sucked, i did try to make his perfect. And this time, alatho i cant be physically there. I did try to make it possible for him to get my best wishes.
I posted a card and present on seperate occasions. And guess how much the postage came up for the package? $20 plus ok!!! i was like, darn- now i am broke. Anyway dosent matter la.
Oh by the way did i mention i quit my job? I just dont like it already.
Anyway after what Juan wrote on my tag, i decided to check out what my best buddy could have written about me on her blog! Me leh! first time ppl dedicate a whole entry yours truly.
Anyway i read it and she made me cry again! Ergh ergh ergh. Want punch her. Hahaha
No la actually i am grateful for her loh, i mean who would acc u home on a cab and has to take the cab back since my house is so inconvenient for her to go home.
I hope he likes the gift, you know. I went shipping and asked opinions of my those jc kakis. and well, they chose a Renoma one, but i didnt like it. i chose the Pierre Cardin one. haha I prefer guys to carry those hard wallets. Soft leathre makes it fake can! Abyway thaats the prob wiith me, i will only buy things that i like. Hahaha...
After he is back, i guess things are getting abit better. Usually when he goes back, he wont really care about how u are doing in Sg. But this time, i guess the cold truth hit him and he realise that this time he will be away from here for 3 years. And Australia is bloody far. Very far. And well, its nice to feel that you are being missed!!! But not as hard to missing someone.

Yesterday after work,(my last day duh*), i was waiting for the bus at Tanah Merah to go to tuition. And i happen to see someone familiar over there. So i didnt really walk over until my bus came and he too was going up the bus. he turn and was like "hi!" you know, so i asked the usual questions about where is he going. Guess wad. He said he going to Changi prison to teach! Oh man, he is a volunteer. Such a nice guy rite? Yeah but not my type. lolx. Its like Victor no 2 if u know what i mean. But nice guy lah..who would volunteer this kind of thing? Nice people that is!

No matter hwo u stop time from passing, they just slip thru ur hands even faster.

No matter how much i tell myself to treasure each and every minute, i just waste them.

No matter how much i tell myself not to cry, i just let my emotions run wild.

No matter how much i tried to prepare myself for it, i realise i jsut cant bear.

Meiting say that it is somethign i should have expected before i took a step.

No i dont. I remmb in the begining, i keep telling myself that i cant wait for the chance for him to further his studies.
He said:" I bet u wont say that when the time comes."
I laughed and said no.
But after tonight, i think not.

3 years after all is a short time. To some ppl.

It seems like eternity to me.
He said dont cry. I tell myself dont cry.
But i am sorry i didnt manage to do it.

but i guess one thing is good after all, my best friend is no longer at loggerheads with the one i love.
Hahaha. They finally spoke to each other. He says to Meiting that she needs to accompany me home.
Or ill prob faint of exhaustion.
I would. But thanks to my girl who acc me all the way home! =)


I am starting work on monday and i hope it distracts me. Its a admin job at a hair salon at city hall, so u guys can drop by to cut hair and say hi to me ok? hahaha

I look at him balnkly and i turned away. I dunno what i should say but the waterworks started again. He then said that i should ask Yang and Vic out tmr so that i would be happy tomorrow.
I told him, that dont make me happier.

He say he will stay if i want. But i know that his stay is long over due, from end of April which he supposed to leave. but now, i already managed to see him for an extra 2 weeks.
I should be contented right? I knwo i should! But why the hell do i have to pick a fight hours before he left. Dumb dumb dawn.
For the next few days, all i am going to blog about is just overseas, overseas, overseas. So sorry. But i predict so.

I miss u already.

The buzz with Polls

I actually stayed up late for the election results. I actually did.
And for the past 9 days, i was going on and on about the elections, the candidates to anyone who wanna hear me out. Lucky i didnt relate the whole thing on my blog.

Anyway, the live election results has me and my family (excluding my elder bro who haas zero interest in politics), camping in front of the TV.

i asked Alex ( for those who dunno, is my little bro) which part does he supports. PAP, he said. Yours truly who happen to support PAP, was stunned. And so i asked him- Why? He smiled and gave me a very quick reply. "My school you know?"

Arhhh one of the many singaporean kids that graduated from PAP kindergarden. i didnt, cuz my mum enrolled me into Yamaha and wantedme to be the next Venessa Mae ( richest youth k?) but i guess i got sick of banging on the piano.

I was pleased with the overall results i guess. PAP gotten so many of the seats that you cant really see a portion of the pie chart on TV that showed the percentage of seats that Opposition took. I am glad. Really am.

A couple days back, i was in this gathering and all of us just started chattign about the elections. nd some person just came over and said to support Oppositon no mater what. I looked at that one who spoke. No one else made a sound after that comment.

For goodness sake la, dont take the government's money if you dun like them. I wanted to ask- that can anyone give me a vald and soliiiid reason to why Opposition is better than PAP. There are good opposition out there somewhere. But let face it, who has the monetary means to provide you with what you already enjoy now? If not better.

And then today, some guy was msn-ing ith me. I dunno how his contact got into mine and well he just started putting up WP's logo as his display pic and asked why isit that i support PAP. and so i thought, ok a topic starter..why not?

So i gave my 2 cents worth. And he bombarded me! DARN! i was so pissed and i just bombarded him back. And he said i am those foolish ppl that thinks that all these security is forever etc etc. DUh!

i am very pissed ok.

Anyway to cut the long story short, he just went on about how opposition is good and et cetc and how that i am wrong..etc etc.

He voted for PAP can? i was like..aiyaa talk so much only.

Nights people, i am tired from all the political talk.


disclaimer: This post does not contain "persistent political content" because it is prohibited during the election period under the Singapore's Election Advertising Regulations. Remember, prison got no broadband! -http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/4753123

Just give me a few minutes

If i only got 4 minutes to tell you what i have to say. I cant because i am so overwhelmed with emotions, i really cant handle it.

i always thought that i have enought time.But i dont think i have. People might tell me that time flies. i want time to pass only when you are gone, and me expecting your return. But when you are getting ready to go, i want every single second to stop passing thru the hour glass.

In this last 5 minutes, i cant do anything. I cant make you stay. I cant make you look at me and say that you are ready to give up everything. Not that i would really want that to happen, but its just that when you are so overwhelmed, i just cant help my logic.

You know times whereby you sit on the train and you see these young couples who cant kepp their hands off each other? Alright apart from the fact that they are terribly heated up fellows, but you realise that there are so in love. I guess they must have been together for less than.. 1month?

i was watching season 5 of 'Friends' and they were in this scene whereby Pheboe has a new boyfriend. Monica and Chandler being together for almost a year, was feeling kinda old, in that sense. Monica cant help feeling sour with the fact that things are so exciting between Pheobe and her new beau. She was draging Chandler to get on with it in weird places. Just so that she can prove that sparks are still around.

Why isit that things must always mellow out after a long time? You know, when i was a tad bit younger, i remmember talking to this guy friend of mine. And how it was amazing that some old couples still hold hands and make out in public. No kiddin, a gal pal of mine caught this old forgies frenching on the bus! GET that??? Yeah anyway he said, arent you gonna be the same when you are older?

i thought to myself for a long time. Hmm. NO! how can a relatonship be thaat long? That was yours truly at lower secondary. Now that she is all grown up, she feels that well, the best relationship is one that last. Is one that love prevails. Is one that even whenno one speaks, both knows what you are thinking. Is one that, when i look at you, i know that we are so meant to be.

Oh yeah did i mention that she is very very ignorant too?

Arhhh and so i heard my idealogies are..kinda childish. But know somethin'? Maybe its such fantasies that keeps it all going. But how would you feel if the person in question actually shoots you down by telling you that it is all not gonna work out the way you want it? *brr* the words are like a bucket of ice cold water poured on me.

its really funny that whenever i am out with Juan or Meiting, i cant help but just wanna think back the times when we are in lower sec and everythign that revolves around us seems so frightfully impt. Though they are not now, come to think of it. The ideologies we have, the values that we have are becoming something that used to be.

I love thinking further than i should. Imagine the 3 of us again, sittin around these new cafes and sipping out coffee, slices of cheescakes. Omph. Oh yeah, not forgetting our kids. But where are they?

Duh! our hubbies took them for a stroll, silly.

Awww...